Top 5 Ways To Fully Benefit From Counseling

In this generation, we are very fortunate that using a counselor to get through major transitions, devastating losses, depression, anxiety, or to just improve our low self-esteem is no longer taboo! People are much more open to it, we share stories or insights from our sessions, and it's available almost everywhere for any age. Most medical insurance plans cover mental health office visits, so you have the option to make it more affordable that way, or you can pay out-of-pocket to keep it discreet and avoid being labeled with a diagnosis.

Either way, counseling services can become time-consuming and expensive if not used wisely. This can then lead to feeling stuck and unmotivated, or to an inability to pay for ongoing sessions.  So here are the Top 5 ways to get the most out of your individual or couples counseling experience: 

1. Find the best fit.  It may take a few tries to find the therapist with whom you really connect -- but it's worth the time, because you'll be sharing some private and emotionally sensitive things with this person. Having a warm, safe, therapeutic relationship with the right counselor will be what motivates you to keep coming, open up, and make progress. How will you know when you've found the right fit?  Assuming that they're well qualified in the issues you're dealing with, it's when you get a 'good vibe' from them and they take the time to really listen and show you that they 'get' you. 
2. Take it seriously.  Using a counselor to get through something difficult in your life is an important commitment and investment. You owe it to your Self and/or your relationship to keep regular appointments and be willing to work together. If you frequently miss or reschedule appointments, the momentum for change starts to sag and it'll take a while to get back on track.
3. Come prepared. The more you've thought about what you want to get out of counseling, and what obstacles are currently in your way, the faster and more focused the process will be.  Also, if you've been given something new to think about, some different behavior to practice, or any other 'homework' to do between sessions, come to your appointments with those things completed. You'll then have feedback for your therapist about what worked and what didn't.
4. Be open to vulnerability and feedback. Sometimes (but not always) therapy will make you feel worse before you feel better. That's because your therapist will be asking you some questions which bring up some difficult memories and/or wounds that you've probably been repressing or denying for a long time. Being open to exploring these dark areas is key to figuring out why you operate the way you do, and how it's leading to negative outcomes. Getting constructive feedback about certain maladaptive behaviors, beliefs, or other patterns from your counselor is not to make you feel targeted, blamed, or ashamed -- it's to provide a professional, objective perspective to help get you closer to your goal(s).
5. Use a journal. I always recommend that people keep journals while in therapy because they help in 3 ways: to remember key points made in your sessions that you want to remember and think about further, to write down questions or issues you want to bring up in future sessions, and finally, to use it as a 'growth chart' to show how far you've come since Day 1. 

If you are focused, motivated, and curious about your life, then you're the perfect candidate for psychotherapy.  Just like with physical therapy, you need to come prepared to exercise weak emotional muscles to create better strength and support in various areas of your life. It does challenge you to push past comfort zones, but if you use the time wisely and are open to outside feedback and direction the payoff is well worth the effort.


Tanya Younce, M.Ed., LPCC is a licensed psychotherapist in the Cincinnati area, specializing in helping high-functioning women through life's transitions -- including divorce recovery, empty nest syndrome, and re-invention of their lives.  For more information, visit Tanya's website at www.mynewleaf.org.